Insignificant
by Shamichi
Summary: Rukawa contemplates about relationships and his apathetic nature as a principle to live by. Mild Ruhana


Rukawa's POV:

Have you ever lied to someone you love? For your own selfish reasons of course. You wanted to end it because at that moment, you were only thinking about yourself and foolishly disregarding the other. At the time, somehow you are convinced over the fact that you don't love the other as much as you know you did. Fact is, you did, you still do but the reality of it is, you are trying to resist the feeling. Then you start asking why. Why you wanted to resist so much when you basically accepted it in the first place. It then becomes a confusing battle between freely wanting and accepting the feeling to succumbing to what people or society will think of it. Don't get me wrong though, I usually couldn't care less about the judgment of others but when it comes down between love and life goals, I can't resist the tempting desire of the court, the familiar sounds of crowds and cheers and the almost mystic dribbling of the round orb known as basketball. With any type of relationships or petty romances, it can only go so far before I know I have to leave. This was just one of those instances where being indifferent towards my encounters with people would really help, it saves me the trouble of dealing with another person's emotion rather than my own since there is nothing left to look forward to if I do at some point decide America is too rough for a guy growing up in simple Kanagawa. However, that is not the case. It would be different if it was just a momentary consolation for the lonely, but I can tell you right now that it is anything but.

Insignificant relationships are what they are, insignificant. And I would be lying if I said I have never had an insignificant relationship before. Besides my very indifferent nature to everything else but basketball, there are moments when you feel a temporary void that needs to be filled. Perhaps you might think that males being males, I would use my overt popularity to take advantage of things. As shallow as that sounds, you are not completely wrong for thinking so but neither are you right. Just like everyone else, I have had my fair share of curiosity and just like any other male, you notice things you didn't before and you get questions you never asked before. Believe it or not, I gave the whole 'blind date' thing a try once and although she wasn't too bad and it was nice, I didn't feel anything particularly special like I hoped though. If anything, it made me think that girls are too much of a hassle to handle. That night I decided that maybe emotions were not something I show easily.

However, there was that one exception with a certain boisterous red head. There was chemistry between us and I am unsure where it came from or how it happened, it just did. Slowly but surely, I also had succumb to the unnatural charms of Sakuragi Hanamichi. I don't know what it is though, he was loud, stubborn, aggressive and not to mention self-proclaimed. Nonetheless, unlike any other growing relationships, the inevitable happens leaving you with undesired choices, choices you think is unfair. Staying in touch was another option but America and Kanagawa is not a car ride away and besides, I like to spare the emotional uproar and commotion that these feelings cause. It is not going to be worth it, no matter who it is.

I remember that day well. It was around June, and I spotted the red head cheerfully walking in in his usual manner.

Flashback: (Normal POV)

"_Oi, do'ahou,"Rukawa called out to the red head walking cheerfully infront of him._

"_What Rukawa?"he answered with the grin still vibrant on his lips. Rukawa looks at Sakuragi carefully, his eyes holding Sakuragi's brown orbs in a serious gaze, dropping Sakuragi's smile in the process._

"_O-oi, Kitsune, whats wrong?" Rukawa continues to hold Sakuragi's gaze, not flinching, blinking once as he did so. A vast ocean of thoughts circled his mind as he continues to stare at the red head. _

"_Let's break up." Rukawa's voice came out serious and cold, causing Sakuragi to now return his serious gaze to a state of confusion and surprise._

"_B-break up?" Sakuragi repeated the hurtful words, asking for reassurance that his ears had not betrayed him. Rukawa simply nodded, confirming his statement._

"_We've been together for a while and I have been thinking," Rukawa explained. Sakuragi remained silent and quiet. "I am going to America soon and we won't be able to see each other anyway." he continued._

_Sakuragi nodded slightly and bit his lip to resist the coming tears slightly forming in his eyes. Rukawa reached out for t red head's hands as he took it into his._

"_I am going to be very honest with you right now ahou, so listen." Rukawa sighed, looking into Sakuragi's brown orbs._

"_I don't think I feel the same way anymore." _

_Silence filled the air as neither spoke but simply looked at each other, hurt clearly visible in their eyes._

_Sakuragi stared down at the ground, trying desperately to avoid Rukawa's gaze. He pulled his hands away from Rukawa's firm grip. If he didn't have feelings for Rukawa then yes, this would be a lot less painless and easier. But he does, and he is hurting inside right now. So much. _

_But its not like he never thought about the possibilities of this happening, he did and it seemed easier thinking about it rather than actually experiencing it._

"_I am not good enough?" Sakuragi asked, trying to find reasons to his change of heart._

_Rukawa looked carefully at Sakuragi, the question triggered an unexplainable feeling. Was it sympathy? Guilt? Possibly close to it? He cupped Sakuragi's cheeks gently, leaning slowly forwards as Sakuragi leaned back. _

"_Don't take it personally A'hou..I …" before he could continue, Sakuragi sighed and pulled away forcefully from Rukawa._

"_Yarou!" he growled. "Do whatever you want. I Don't care anymore! Go to America and…whatever! "he cursed angrily. _

I sighed as I reminisce the bitter and abrupt split between Sakuragi and I. Like I said, relationships become insignificant and no matter how much you enjoyed the sentiment of the relationship, it is better to depend on yourself rather than on someone else.

"Sakuragi…"

It is a principle I am learning to live with and it is a memory that I can live with, at least for now.


End file.
